Archive for Movies

New Three Musketeers movie is looking extremely anachronistic.

Ok, I BLEEP you not, I haven’t been this excited about an up and coming movie since I found out about the second Sherlock Holms…. (sadly, I found out about it 6 months after the first, so that’s not saying much. )

Anyways. I’m also mostly exited because it’s (you guessed it) another really inaccurate retelling of a classic novel a ‘steampunk’ movie.

Please watch;

So I’m having this feeling that unless you’re into steampunk you’re not going to understand and be upset by the fact that this is not an accurate steampunk film.

Now class. Can anybody tell me why this is not an accurate steampunk fillm? Anyone? Anyone at all?

Well, anyone who has read The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas (I have yet to meet another living sole who has) knows that it is set in the 17th century. Specifically some time during the Siege of La Rochelle (1627- 1628).

Now, as you have just recently watched in the trailer above, the Duke of Buckingham is creating an army of really effin cool air ships. (This is where I burst your bubble and place in a part of my steampunk sole.) Air ships of any kind where not invented until the late 18th century. The first attempts didn’t even carry people until 1785!

(Without trying to sound like a complete loser;) This disregard for history’s technological advances throws off Steampunk’s original look. I mean, why not go back another 150 years and whip out your double barrel lazier pistol and see what’ll happen. Here you go King Edward V. Enjoy!

COME ON PEOPLE.

Steampunk is largely anachronistic. I get. You get. Your grandmother gets it. But usually this technological advancement is a result of years of development, which then changes the culture and civilization it’s created for.  (Anyone seen Wild Wild West? Sure the crazy steam powered spider was crazy… but with all the other technological gadgets around them, it wasn’t impossible.)

So, this leads me to the question… why is the 17th century civilization still very 17th century?

(And no one has the answer?)

Because, class, the creators of this film needed something to give it a bit of a thrill for the standerd population (AKA; people with money!). They dont care about the rest of us thinkers. (Another main reason why comic book movies have been getting worse and worse. Don’t get me started.)

I mean you can only do so many bad Three Musketeer movies before we grab our flaming pitchforks. (Example;)

………….…………………………………..

The Musketeer…….The Three Musketeers…….Barby and the Three Musketeers

Now, maybe this movie will be extremely entertaining.

Or then again… it might not.

At least if the movie’s bad I’m sure I’ll be able to close of any part of my brain that has intelligent thought and  simply enjoy the extensively long and incredibly expensive fight scenes.

…. And if all else fails I’ll imagine I’m having wonderfully romantic sex with Matthew Macfadyn (Mr. Darcy).

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Movie’s I’m feeling.

Now before we start I would first like to say that some of these have already been in theaters…. just not yet in Canada (and weather they will has yet to be seen….). Just the same I wanted the share with you some movie trailers that I find most entertaining and wish to watch.

Puss And Boots

I’m just going to close my eyes and pretend that I’m sleeping with Antonio Banderas.

Sucker Punch

Come on, who doesn’t want to see sexually exploited women in short skirts murder and kill people in order to escape from prison, all the while using their minds. Its like Inception meets soft-core porn.

Kung Fu Panda 2

I’m holding out hope that Jack Black’s dry witty voice will cary this movie better than it did the last. (I’m kidding…there is no hope.)

Cowboys & Alians

I really want to see how old Harrison Ford looks…. while riding a horse.

The Tempest

I can’t wait to see how they fuck up this classic. Although I’m having a feeling it’ll be true to its story, with a little more interest do to todays action movie standerds.

Burke and Hare

I think this movie is just going to be awesome.

Arthur

Clearly we know why… cause Russel Brant is awesome.

Hereafter

Its gonna be a tear jirker.

Love and Other Drugs

I needed to put in a chick flick, and what better then this?

Catfish

I dont quite understand…. but I am intrigued.

And lastly;

AVATAR Special Edition

Yes, James Cameron really is a Duche Bag. Ok, so I really don’t care to see it, nor am I going to….. but I felt it would be a funny ending to my post.

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